Thank You, Ma'am.

 

Author's Note: Something else that could've happened instead of what really did happen.

     "Now, ain't you ashamed of yourself?" she said.

     "Not at all," the boy replied. "I do what I want to and I'm proud of what I do."

     She snarled. She whacked him with her pocketbook and kept walking. He caught up to her, though, and tried to steal it again. This time, she whacked him so hard that he lost his balance and fell backwards. The wind got knocked out of him so he just lay there. The woman went home, and started to cook dinner. The boy followed her home and took a dollar. The next day, he came back, and took another dollar. After 10 days, he had just what he needed to buy those shoes that he wanted. Blue suede shoes.. That's all he could think about while walking happily to the store. Little did he know, that the woman had known. He got sent to jail, and he never stole again.

Dead Man's Path

     There I was, in my kitchen, making dinner when my husband rushed through the front doors. I was so startled, because he was panting hard as a dog as if he ran all the way home. I was right. When I got him a glass of water, and he calmed down, he informed me why he was so overjoyed. "We shall make a good job of it, shan't we?"

     “We shall do our best,” I replied. “We shall have such beautiful gardens and everything will be just modern and delightful…” then I stopped. I started thinking a little selfishly, and I started to think about how important I would now be. The principal's wife.. All of the other spouses would be jealous of me and my husband. Then I stopped again; Were there any other spouses? Am I just being too self-centered to stop and think? I asked him.

     "All of our colleagues are young and unmarried," he explained. He seems so happy with it, and she wasn't sure why. He continued. "which is a good thing." This was difficult for her to hear.

     "Why?" I asked with pure curiosity.

     "Why? They will give all their time and energy to the school."

     I hated to hear this. Oh, well.

Clyde the Failing Man

Author's Note: One night, while eating a bowl of cereal, I thought of the idea to make a story about a man named Clyde who fails quite often without even realizing such a thing. Also, I wrote this because I needed a piece to improve my goals.

     Hi, my name is Clyde. I decided to start writing this diary. I'm not sure why, I mean, I am a grown man. I suppose I could call it a journal. That would sound more manly. So, there you go.. It's a journal. Anyways, I decided not to write the date on the top of each journal entry because I often don't remember the date. That's okay, though. I guess my journal shall just be original. Well, I'm counting this as an introduction to my new journal. I'm going to stop writing for today. Goodbye.

     Today was the most embarrassing day, EVER. I started my day by driving to Monkey Joe's, only to be informed that it was for children 12 and under, and unless I had a child myself, I could not enter. I stormed off, and found a spot of bird poop on my car. I decided it was time to wash the car. To save money, I wanted to wash it on my own. Only after did I realize that it was raining the whole entire time I was washing my car. Not only did I waste money, but I made myself look like a fool in front of my new neighbors. It was mortifying.. Anyway, I think I'm done for today. I don't want to rip my little pink notebook in anger.

     Well, I did it again. My wife currently hates me.. I guess I had it coming. Today, I took my child to the zoo. Me, being an overgrown infant, spazzed out over the pandas. While in my freakish state of mind, I had completely forgotten about my child. She had wondered off into the.. Who knows where. I couldn't find her, and my wife had gotten furious. Anyway, when we got home, my daughter wouldn't so much as look at me and my wife told me I had to spend the night on the couch. This stinks.

     I woke up and groggily hoisted myself up. I decided I need to make it up to my daughter. I decided to walk to the store and purchase an iPod touch for her. She instantly forgave me. Well, that's good. My wife forgave me, too. I think I frightened her a little, though, because today, without thinking straight, asked her what channel TMJ4 was on. I felt so stupid. She laughed at me. Oh well.. I have my moments. My friends call me a blonde. I have brown hair. I don't understand.. That's alright, I suppose.

     I AM DONE WITH THIS DUMB DIARY, journal, thing.. I am sick of failing. And I am not going to continue sharing my fails so that one day my grandchildren can read about what a loser their grandpa was. I refuse to be recognized as that strange crazy failing man that no one would like to be. I am throwing away my little pink journal. GOODBYE, DIARY!! You will not be missed.